Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize