Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
