Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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