is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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