life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
