I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
