Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
