I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
