I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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