What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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