So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
