I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
