if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
