I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
