I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
