my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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