the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
