There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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