How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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