It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize