..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize