Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
