so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
