Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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