my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
