I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
