honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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