I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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