He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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