I must be too annoying 4 u.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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