New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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