it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
