She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just cropdusted the office
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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