I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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