she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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