i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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