Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
