He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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