I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
