How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
