i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
