I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
