so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
