question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
