Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
