Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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