When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
