windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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