He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
