You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
