jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
