My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
