Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
