I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
