one two three fourrrrnication!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
