covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
