I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
