My nipple is on Facebook.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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