Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
