Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
