I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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