Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
