I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is my gift to your gina
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize