It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
