I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
