I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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