You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
