i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize