dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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